When collaboration fails, re-evaluate your approach

Let me relate a story of learning how to be a better leader by anticipating the audience. This is a story about an attempt to collaborate that resulted in failure.

I recently engaged two of my senior leaders in a discussion intended to identify a colleague or organization most likely to lead our firm to compliance for an evolving external requirement. It didn't go as planned and I can't even regard it as resulting in even marginal success given the intent. But I learned something important.

The leaders were Jean and Bob and I organized a 30 minute session during their busy schedules. In hindsight this was not long enough given my approach.

I introduced the need and got about 60 seconds into describing the situation. This was about as long as Bob could hold himself back from taking control and trying to drive the conversation from 40k feet to 4 feet - to a level where he could understand the most granular of facts and contemplate their implications. Here is where I started to fail. I followed him down to 4 feet, out of respect to his seniority and a genuine belief that I could get us ascending again. I also setup this meeting specifically intent on dispelling Bob's perception of me as a recluse. Truth be told I shun his involvement in most things as I'm often left disappointed and left feeling micro-managed. He knows this because I've told him and it contributes to his "shortness" with me.

I did not want a definitive answer. I just needed to confirm my direction and hopefully gain insights to the need that are hidden from me at my level.

However every attempt I made to try and get back to the high-level conceptual problem to fully explain it and seek feedback was met with resistance. Jean, despite her best intent didn't offer to help me get there either.

To use a simple analogy I was the shark that beached itself in pursuit of an illusive prey. I thought I could snatch that small fish in my jaw before hitting the shore. I couldn't and kept swimming after it. Now floundering on the shore, no meal in my stomach, with no way to get back into the water.

We exited the short meeting and I couldn't help but try and contemplate what went wrong for the remainder of the day. It wasn't until I stopped blaming Bob and Jean and started to reflect on my behavior that I was able to resolve it with something constructive.

I recognized I need to do several things next time:

1. I can't expect Bob to embrace my way of thinking so I have to do a far better job of mentally preparing for Bob's style of management. What this means specifically is to consider the future topic and the extent to which Bob is going to drive the discussion in a less than useful direction.
2. Did Jean really understand what I expected to get from the 30 minute conversation? Probably not. I should illicit support ahead of time from colleagues such as Jean. I actually did this, but not to the point of ensuring Jean would support keeping the conversation at the appropriate level and focused on uncovering insights hidden from me.
3. I should consider giving Bob what he needs to process the topic ahead of the conversation. Sure, he wants facts because that's how he operates and makes decisions. I expected his inputs to be directional and on a conceptual level but he wasn't prepared to comfortably discuss the need in that context. If I feed him content ahead of time, there might be less resistance to keep the conversation at the level I need.

I'm going to try this next time and report back as to my success or failure. If I again fail we can re-examine the approach once again.